How to Deal With Disrespectful Children

Edited by CupcakesXtasteXlikeXviolence, Puddy, Glutted, Teresa and 18 others

Are your kids snobby or disrespectful? Do they sometimes act like brats? While you can't exactly turn them into angels overnight, there are ways to help improve disrespectful attitudes.

Find the source of the problem. This is the hardest part. There are many, many things that could lead to them being disrespectful.

• Is it just their age or stage? Are they teenagers? If they are in that crazy time in their life, it's common that teens will snap at their parents and use "shut up" at least four times a day. Are they toddlers? They are called the "Terrible Twos" for a reason. This is when they are learning "NO!" and "THAT'S MINE!" It's more difficult to help a very young child with their attitude, because they aren't as mature and can't process things as easily.
• Are you treating them with respect? Carefully examine your own behavior. Do you yell at them, or tell them to shut up or say that they're stupid? While that's not good in general, it teaches your kids that it's okay to act that way as well. If you're going to snap at your kids, it's only karma for them to get right back at you.
• 
  2
  Communicate. If you find the source of the problem, improve it! Teenager? While they seem "clueless" at times and as if they don't care, try to communicate with them as best you can, when you can. It works well if it's a mother for daughter, father for son (this allows that any questions or conversations can be talked about with no fear that the gender-difference will be an issue).
• Toddler? Whenever they say that infamous "NO!" to you, respond with, "Don't talk to mommy/daddy that way. That's not very nice." If it doesn't work, take away privileges; discipline them. Examples can be something as simple as no dessert tonight or something as "extreme" as not going to the "Disney on Ice" that they've been longing for for weeks. Use more severe measures only if the gentler ones haven't worked. If the problem lies with you, you must change your habits and set a good example.
• If you feel you are about to lose your temper, if they are old enough to be left alone in a room momentarily, quietly go into the next room and take some time to calm down. If they are too young to be left alone, then just remember when they were born.
• For most people, it was a wonderful experience. Think about when they were born, and remember the love and compassion you have for them. It sounds silly, but it works.
• 3
  If you didn't identify the source of the problem, just work your way around the situation. Whenever they talk back to you, say firmly, "[child's name], do not talk to me like that. That's not very respectful." If they continue to talk back, say once (and only once): "I expect an apology." Remember, say everything firmly. A child can sniff out the slightest bit of doubt. If that fails, take away privileges. If they whine, simply restate what they did. Always say what happened, so they know what they did wrong and connect the consequence with the act.
  4
  Deal with the friend factor. When it comes to their friends, they want to act "cool" (this is especially common in teens). When kids backlash in front of their friends ("Yeah, whatever", "Get out of my room!"), some parents don't want to embarrass their kids in front of their friends. Do not be one of these parents. The response can vary. Something as simple as "Don't be disrespectful to me" can do the trick, but won't last long. Come off strong. You probably don't need to berate him in front of his friends. Just calmly state that what they did was not very respectful and leave. Don't argue with them.
  5
  Deal with the inevitable arguments. Adding fuel to the fire won't help the situation. If they say "That's not fair!", don't reply "Life's not fair". That's just depressing. Or if they say something like, "Jenny's mom is letting her do it!" say "I'm not Jenny's mom, and that's that." End the argument quickly. If they start to whine back at you, walk away. The chances of them following you are very slim. If they do follow you, ignoring them is best, unless they have a legit reason to bring something up.
  6
  Don't hit back if they react violently. Self defense is one thing, but punching, biting, and kicking them is quite another. This situation unfortunately happens sometimes, and the response is hard. If your kid is smaller, then just simply pick them up and away from you, sit them somewhere and say firmly, "Don't you ever hit me again." This is when it is appropriate to raise your voice. If your child is bigger, say, a teenager, and is putting up a fight, get help. Don't fight back, but use self defense if needed. However you can spank a child without abuse.
  7
  Spot manipulation and don't fall for it. Kids can manipulate you without you even knowing it. Children are getting brighter and smarter and wittier every passing day. It may be hard to sense it, but sometimes you just get a gut feeling that they're trying to pick at you. If this happens, confront them. Say, "I feel that you're trying to manipulate me, and I wanted to talk with you about this." Confront it, say how you feel, and make it clear you won't tolerate it.
  8
  See if they are also disrespecting other figures, such as teachers or coaches. If so, ask them how your child has been acting, and confront your kid about it. It needs to be brought up at one time or another.

Yoga Poses to Relieve Stress

The best Restorative Yoga Poses to Relieve Stress

Whether it’s in your hips, glutes, or all in your head, tension has a way of accumulating as we hustle through the day-to-day. But there are ways to reclaim some very necessary “me” time with just a few simple steps
Restorative yoga prioritizes stillness, relaxation, and a calmer state of mind, even more so than more traditional forms of yoga. By incorporating props like yoga blocks, bolsters, blankets, and straps to support and align the body, restorative poses allow the body to fully relax in each posture (so no straining to lift and hold that tricky full wheel pose). Practicing “active relaxation” or gentle yoga (as it’s also known) can also help yogis hold poses longer than they normally would, giving weary muscles and connective tissues and little extra TLC.
The silver lining: There’s room for restorative poses in even the tightest of places. Just remember to take the time to get in and out of each pose safely — especially when the spine is involved. And for those with injuries, be sure to move through each posture with a pro before trying them on your own.
Greatist Expert and yoga instructor Rebecca Pacheco suggests starting off with these six postures, from the hip-opening half-pigeon pose to the oh-so-restorative legs-up-the-wall pose. So find a quiet spot — and a few uninterrupted minutes — and get ready to restore.
Disclaimer: While we’re big fans of yoga to ease tension and improve mobility, it’s not a replacement for medical care. If you’re experiencing chronic pain or injury, please consult a qualified professional.
- See more at: http://blog.myfitnesspal.com/2014/05/the-best-restorative-yoga-poses-to-relieve-stress/#sthash.wq0rwYAd.dpuf

Whether it’s in your hips, glutes, or all in your head, tension has a way of accumulating as we hustle through the day-to-day. But there are ways to reclaim some very necessary “me” time with just a few simple steps
Restorative yoga prioritizes stillness, relaxation, and a calmer state of mind, even more so than more traditional forms of yoga. By incorporating props like yoga blocks, bolsters, blankets, and straps to support and align the body, restorative poses allow the body to fully relax in each posture (so no straining to lift and hold that tricky full wheel pose). Practicing “active relaxation” or gentle yoga (as it’s also known) can also help yogis hold poses longer than they normally would, giving weary muscles and connective tissues and little extra TLC.
The silver lining: There’s room for restorative poses in even the tightest of places. Just remember to take the time to get in and out of each pose safely — especially when the spine is involved. And for those with injuries, be sure to move through each posture with a pro before trying them on your own.
Greatist Expert and yoga instructor Rebecca Pacheco suggests starting off with these six postures, from the hip-opening half-pigeon pose to the oh-so-restorative legs-up-the-wall pose. So find a quiet spot — and a few uninterrupted minutes — and get ready to restore.
Disclaimer: While we’re big fans of yoga to ease tension and improve mobility, it’s not a replacement for medical care. If you’re experiencing chronic pain or injury, please consult a qualified professional.
- See more at: http://blog.myfitnesspal.com/2014/05/the-best-restorative-yoga-poses-to-relieve-stress/#sthash.wq0rwYAd.dpuf

Whether it’s in your hips, glutes, or all in your head, tension has a way of accumulating as we hustle through the day-to-day. But there are ways to reclaim some very necessary “me” time with just a few simple steps
Restorative yoga prioritizes stillness, relaxation, and a calmer state of mind, even more so than more traditional forms of yoga. By incorporating props like yoga blocks, bolsters, blankets, and straps to support and align the body, restorative poses allow the body to fully relax in each posture (so no straining to lift and hold that tricky full wheel pose). Practicing “active relaxation” or gentle yoga (as it’s also known) can also help yogis hold poses longer than they normally would, giving weary muscles and connective tissues and little extra TLC.
The silver lining: There’s room for restorative poses in even the tightest of places. Just remember to take the time to get in and out of each pose safely — especially when the spine is involved. And for those with injuries, be sure to move through each posture with a pro before trying them on your own.
Greatist Expert and yoga instructor Rebecca Pacheco suggests starting off with these six postures, from the hip-opening half-pigeon pose to the oh-so-restorative legs-up-the-wall pose. So find a quiet spot — and a few uninterrupted minutes — and get ready to restore.
Disclaimer: While we’re big fans of yoga to ease tension and improve mobility, it’s not a replacement for medical care. If you’re experiencing chronic pain or injury, please consult a qualified professional.

- See more at: http://blog.myfitnesspal.com/2014/05/the-best-restorative-yoga-poses-to-relieve-stress/#sthash.wq0rwYAd.dpuf

Whether it’s in your hips, glutes, or all in your head, tension has a way of accumulating as we hustle through the day-to-day. But there are ways to reclaim some very necessary “me” time with just a few simple steps
Restorative yoga prioritizes stillness, relaxation, and a calmer state of mind, even more so than more traditional forms of yoga. By incorporating props like yoga blocks, bolsters, blankets, and straps to support and align the body, restorative poses allow the body to fully relax in each posture (so no straining to lift and hold that tricky full wheel pose). Practicing “active relaxation” or gentle yoga (as it’s also known) can also help yogis hold poses longer than they normally would, giving weary muscles and connective tissues and little extra TLC.
The silver lining: There’s room for restorative poses in even the tightest of places. Just remember to take the time to get in and out of each pose safely — especially when the spine is involved. And for those with injuries, be sure to move through each posture with a pro before trying them on your own.
Greatist Expert and yoga instructor Rebecca Pacheco suggests starting off with these six postures, from the hip-opening half-pigeon pose to the oh-so-restorative legs-up-the-wall pose. So find a quiet spot — and a few uninterrupted minutes — and get ready to restore.
Disclaimer: While we’re big fans of yoga to ease tension and improve mobility, it’s not a replacement for medical care. If you’re experiencing chronic pain or injury, please consult a qualified professional.
- See more at: http://blog.myfitnesspal.com/2014/05/the-best-restorative-yoga-poses-to-relieve-stress/#sthash.wq0rwYAd.dpuf

How to Avoid Negative People

How do you avoid negative people? Well, the first step would be to identify them, since most of the time; we are surrounded by them, and are hardly aware of it! Negative people are the ones that will probably leave you with feelings of doubt, pangs of guilt, or take away from your self-worth. Here are some tips to follow to avoid such kinds of people.

Steps

1. 
   If the negative people that pull you down are the ones you cannot physically avoid, for instance, family, or your co-workers, try being up front with them, and let them know that you don't appreciate their opinions and views. Also, if you realize the trend in their manner of speaking, do not discuss your plans with them, since by experience, you know they will probably discourage you from moving forward. It is better to be alone and take decisions, rather than discuss and not do anything. As the saying goes, 'too many cooks spoil the broth'.
   • When you confront them, they are likely to accuse you angrily of wanting to isolate them, or otherwise 'get back at them'. Keep your cool and calmly explain that they have a pessimistic streak, and that it is negatively impacting your life.
   • Sometimes, a seemingly perpetual negative manner indicates depression or another mental illness. Although many people have bad days or tend to see the glass half empty, be aware of this. If someone was reasonably happy with their life and now is very negative, keep an eye on them. Another sign of a mental illness is the sudden appearance of drastic, frightening mood swings. If these symptoms persist for more than two weeks, talk to one of their family members about having them evaluated for depression.
2. 
   For the ones that you meet once in a while, like friends, or neighbors, you might try maintaining a distance with them. You don't want to sever relations, so maintain a polite and cordial relationship without divulging too much information.
   • Once again, explain that you do not want to isolate them or in any manner cut them off entirely.
3. 
   No matter who it is who that is negative, if their talks are depleting you of your mental energy, and sapping your hopes, they are not good for you. So be on your guard, build a stronger mental base so as not to get affected by their discouraging opinions and talks.
   • Negative people can spread their depressing outlook - it tends to be contagious. If you spend too much time around them, loved ones will start to notice a downward trend in your behavior and outlook. If this happens, remember to take 'breaks' from them when you need to spend a long period of time with them.
   • Try making new friends with positive and enthusiastic people - you find them everywhere! If you need other uplifting things to do, try doing community service or helping others to get that warm fuzzy feeling. Religious groups are often a source of hope. Learn something new. Try yoga or meditation: focus on the good.
   • Negativity has its base in the negative emotion of fear. Banish fear, discard it, uproot it and throw it out of your life. Negativity is created by the media, so avoid watching too much of television, listening to radio news, or discussing depressing world events with people.
   • Change your pattern of thinking and see that people will get more attracted to you. Maintaining a positive attitude will not only increase your popularity, but will also bring more positivity in your life.

6 Things Happy People Never Do

Happiness is not something you postpone for the future;
it is something you design into the present.

Happy people do a lot of things.  They spend time expressing gratitude, cultivating optimism, practicing kindness, nurturing loving relationships, committing to meaningful goals, savoring life’s little pleasures, and so on and so forth.
But they NEVER…

1.  Mind other people’s business.

Forget about what others are doing.  Stop looking at where they are and what they have.  Nobody is doing better than you because nobody can do better than you.  YOU are walking your own path.  Sometimes the reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes circumstances with everyone else’s public highlight reel.  We listen to the noise of the world, instead of ourselves.  So stop the comparisons!  Ignore the distractions.  Listen to your own inner voice.  Mind your own business.
Keep your best wishes and your biggest goals close to your heart and dedicate time to them every day.  Don’t be scared to walk alone, and don’t be scared to enjoy it.  Don’t let anyone’s ignorance, drama, or negativity stop you from being the best you can be.  Keep doing what you know in your heart is right, for YOU.  Because when you are focused on meaningful work and at peace within yourself, almost nothing can shake you.  (Angel and I discuss this in more detail in the “Passion and Growth” chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)

2.  Seek validation of self-worth from others.

When you are content to simply be yourself, without comparing and competing to impress others, everyone worthwhile will respect you.  And even more importantly, you will respect yourself.
How are you letting others define you?  What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?
Truth be told, no one has the right to judge you.  People may have heard your stories, and they may think they know you, but they can’t feel what you are going through; they aren’t living YOUR life.  So forget what they think and say about you.  Focus on how you feel about yourself, and keep walking the path that feels best under your feet.
Those who accept you are your friends.  Those who don’t are your teachers.  If someone calls you something and it’s true, it’s not your problem because it’s true.  If someone calls you something and it’s not true, it’s not your problem because it’s not true.  Either way, whatever they call you is not your problem.  What other people call you is their problem…
What you call yourself, and who you decide to become, is your problem.

3.  Rely on other people and external events for happiness.

Unhappiness lies in that gap between what we have now and what we think we need.  But the truth is, we don’t need to acquire anything more to be content with what we already have.  We don’t need anyone else’s permission to be happy.  Your life is magnificent not because someone says it is, or because you have acquired something new, but because you choose to see it as such.  Don’t let your happiness be held hostage.  It is always yours to choose, to live and experience.
As soon as you stop making everyone and everything else responsible for your happiness, the happier you’ll be.  If you’re unhappy now, it’s not someone else’s fault.  Take full responsibility for your own unhappiness, and you will instantly gain the ability to be happier.  Stop seeking in vain to arrange conditions that will make you happy.  Simply choose to appreciate the greatness that is yours in this moment, and the right conditions will start to line up around the contentment you seek.
The greater part of your happiness or unhappiness depends upon your outlook, and not upon our situation.  Even if things aren’t perfect right now, think of all the beauty still left around you.  A good reason to smile is always one thought away; choose to tap into it any time you like.  (Read The Gifts of Imperfection.)

4.  Hold on to resentment.

Let today be the day you stop being haunted by the ghosts from your past.  What happened in the past is just one chapter in your story; don’t close the book, just turn the page.
We’ve all been hurt by our own decisions and by others, and while the pain of these experiences is normal, sometimes it lingers for too long.  Feelings of resentment urge us to relive the same pain over and over, and we have a hard time letting go.
Forgiveness is the remedy.  It allows you to focus on the future without combating the past.  To understand the infinite potential of everything going forward is to forgive everything already behind you.  Without forgiveness, wounds can never be healed and personal growth can never be achieved.  It doesn’t mean you’re erasing the past, or forgetting what happened.  It means you’re letting go of the resentment and pain, and instead choosing to learn from the incident and move on with your life.

5.  Spend prolonged periods of time in negative environments.

You can’t make positive choices for the rest of your life without an environment that makes those choices easy, natural, and enjoyable.  So protect your spirit and potential from contamination by limiting your time with negative people and the environments they inhabit.
When other people invite you to act like victims, when they whine and moan about the unfairness of life, for example, and ask you to agree, to offer condolences, and to participate in their grievances, WALK AWAY.  When you join in that game of negativity you always lose.
Even when you’re alone, create a positive mental space for yourself.  Make it a point to give up all the thoughts that make you feel bad, or even just a few of them that have been troubling you, and see how doing that changes your life.  You don’t need negative thoughts.  They are all lies.  They solve nothing.  All they have ever given you is a false self that suffers for no reason.  (Read Buddha’s Brain.)

6.  Resist the truth.

It is a certain deathtrap when we spend our lives learning how to lie, because eventually these lies grow so strong in our minds that we become bad at seeing, telling and living our own truth.  Lives come apart so easily when they have been held together with lies.  If you resist the truth, you will live a lie every day as the truth haunts your thoughts every night.  You simply can’t get away from your truth by moving dishonestly from one place to the next.
So don’t bend; don’t water it down; don’t try to hide the truth with deception; don’t edit your own soul according to the fashion of what’s popular.  It is better to offer no explanation or excuse than a false one.  It takes courage and strength to admit the truth, but it is the only way to truly live.  Accept what is, embrace it fully, and live for the possibilities that lie ahead.

Your turn…

What would you add to the list?  What’s something you should NOT do if you want to be happy?  Leave a comment below and share your thoughts.

8 Things to Remember When Everything Goes Wrong

“The best way out is always through.”
―Robert Frost

“Today, I’m sitting in my hospital bed waiting to have both my breasts removed.  But in a strange way I feel like the lucky one.  Up until now I have had no health problems.  I’m a 69-year-old woman in the last room at the end of the hall before the pediatric division of the hospital begins.  Over the past few hours I have watched dozens of cancer patients being wheeled by in wheelchairs and rolling beds.  None of these patients could be a day older than 17.”
That’s an entry from my grandmother’s journal, dated 9/16/1977.  I photocopied it and pinned it to my bulletin board about a decade ago.  It’s still there today, and it continues to remind me that there is always, always, always something to be thankful for.  And that no matter how good or bad I have it, I must wake up each day thankful for my life, because someone somewhere else is desperately fighting for theirs.
Truth be told, happiness is not the absence of problems, but the ability to deal with them.  Imagine all the wondrous things your mind might embrace if it weren’t wrapped so tightly around your struggles.  Always look at what you have, instead of what you have lost.  Because it’s not what the world takes away from you that counts; it’s what you do with what you have left.
Here are a few reminders to help motivate you when you need it most:

1.  Pain is part of growing.

Sometimes life closes doors because it’s time to move forward.  And that’s a good thing because we often won’t move unless circumstances force us to.  When times are tough, remind yourself that no pain comes without a purpose.  Move on from what hurt you, but never forget what it taught you.  Just because you’re struggling doesn’t mean you’re failing.  Every great success requires some type of worthy struggle to get there.  Good things take time.  Stay patient and stay positive.  Everything is going to come together; maybe not immediately, but eventually.
Remember that there are two kinds of pain: pain that hurts and pain that changes you.  When you roll with life, instead of resisting it, both kinds help you grow.

2.  Everything in life is temporary.

Every time it rains, it stops raining.  Every time you get hurt, you heal.  After darkness there is always light – you are reminded of this every morning, but still you often forget, and instead choose to believe that the night will last forever.  It won’t.  Nothing lasts forever.
So if things are good right now, enjoy it.  It won’t last forever.  If things are bad, don’t worry because it won’t last forever either.  Just because life isn’t easy at the moment, doesn’t mean you can’t laugh.  Just because something is bothering you, doesn’t mean you can’t smile.  Every moment gives you a new beginning and a new ending.  You get a second chance, every second.  You just have to take it and make the best of it.  (Read The Last Lecture.)

3.  Worrying and complaining changes nothing.

Those who complain the most, accomplish the least.  It’s always better to attempt to do something great and fail than to attempt to do nothing and succeed.  It’s not over if you’ve lost; it’s over when you do nothing but complain about it.  If you believe in something, keep trying.  Don’t let the shadows of the past darken the doorstep of your future.  Spending today complaining about yesterday won’t make tomorrow any brighter.  Take action instead.  Let what you’ve learned improve how you live.  Make a change and never look back.
And regardless of what happens in the long run, remember that true happiness begins to arrive only when you stop complaining about your problems and you start being grateful for all the problems you don’t have.

4.  Your scars are symbols of your strength.

Don’t ever be ashamed of the scars life has left you with.  A scar means the hurt is over and the wound is closed.  It means you conquered the pain, learned a lesson, grew stronger, and moved forward.  A scar is the tattoo of a triumph to be proud of.  Don’t allow your scars to hold you hostage.  Don’t allow them to make you live your life in fear.  You can’t make the scars in your life disappear, but you can change the way you see them.  You can start seeing your scars as a sign of strength and not pain.
Rumi once said, “The wound is the place where the Light enters you.”  Nothing could be closer to the truth.  Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most powerful characters in this great world are seared with scars.  See your scars as a sign of “YES!  I MADE IT!  I survived and I have my scars to prove it!  And now I have a chance to grow even stronger.”

5.  Every little struggle is a step forward.

In life, patience is not about waiting; it’s the ability to keep a good attitude while working hard on your dreams, knowing that the work is worth it.  So if you’re going to try, put in the time and go all the way.  Otherwise, there’s no point in starting.  This could mean losing stability and comfort for a while, and maybe even your mind on occasion.  It could mean not eating what, or sleeping where, you’re used to, for weeks on end.  It could mean stretching your comfort zone so thin it gives you a nonstop case of the chills.  It could mean sacrificing relationships and all that’s familiar.  It could mean accepting ridicule from your peers.  It could mean lots of time alone in solitude.  Solitude, though, is the gift that makes great things possible.  It gives you the space you need.  Everything else is a test of your determination, of how much you really want it.
And if you want it, you’ll do it, despite failure and rejection and the odds.  And every step will feel better than anything else you can imagine.  You will realize that the struggle is not found on the path, it is the path.  And it’s worth it.  So if you’re going to try, go all the way.  There’s no better feeling in the world… there’s no better feeling than knowing what it means to be ALIVE.  (Angel and I discuss this in more detail in the “Goals and Success” chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)

6.  Other people’s negativity is not your problem.

Be positive when negativity surrounds you.  Smile when others try to bring you down.  It’s an easy way to maintain your enthusiasm and focus.  When other people treat you poorly, keep being you.  Don’t ever let someone else’s bitterness change the person you are.  You can’t take things too personally, even if it seems personal. Rarely do people do things because of you.  They do things because of them.
Above all, don’t ever change just to impress someone who says you’re not good enough.  Change because it makes you a better person and leads you to a brighter future.  People are going to talk regardless of what you do or how well you do it.  So worry about yourself before you worry about what others think.  If you believe strongly in something, don’t be afraid to fight for it.  Great strength comes from overcoming what others think is impossible.
All jokes aside, your life only comes around once.  This is IT.  So do what makes you happy and be with whoever makes you smile, often.

7.  What’s meant to be will eventually, BE.

True strength comes when you have so much to cry and complain about, but you prefer to smile and appreciate your life instead.  There are blessings hidden in every struggle you face, but you have to be willing to open your heart and mind to see them.  You can’t force things to happen.  You can only drive yourself crazy trying.  At some point you have to let go and let what’s meant to be, BE.
In the end, loving your life is about trusting your intuition, taking chances, losing and finding happiness, cherishing the memories, and learning through experience.  It’s a long-term journey.  You have to stop worrying, wondering, and doubting every step of the way.  Laugh at the confusion, live consciously in the moment, and enjoy your life as it unfolds.  You might not end up exactly where you intended to go, but you will eventually arrive precisely where you need to be.  (Read A New Earth.)

8.  The best thing you can do is to keep going.

Don’t be afraid to get back up – to try again, to love again, to live again, and to dream again.  Don’t let a hard lesson harden your heart.  Life’s best lessons are often learned at the worst times and from the worst mistakes.  There will be times when it seems like everything that could possibly go wrong is going wrong.  And you might feel like you will be stuck in this rut forever, but you won’t.  When you feel like quitting, remember that sometimes things have to go very wrong before they can be right.  Sometimes you have to go through the worst, to arrive at your best.
Yes, life is tough, but you are tougher.  Find the strength to laugh every day.  Find the courage to feel different, yet beautiful.  Find it in your heart to make others smile too.  Don’t stress over things you can’t change.  Live simply.  Love generously.  Speak truthfully.  Work diligently.  And even if you fall short, keep going.  Keep growing.
Awake every morning and do your best to follow this daily TO-DO list:

1. Think positively.
2. Eat healthy.
3. Exercise today.
4. Worry less.
5. Work hard.
6. Laugh often.
7. Sleep well.

Repeat…

The floor is yours…

What helps you stay motivated when you’re struggling?  What’s something positive you try to keep in mind when everything seems to be going wrong?  Leave a comment below and share your thoughts.

7 Ways to Stop Fearing What Everyone Thinks of You

“What’s wrong with wanting to please others?”
That’s what several people asked me via email in response to one of my recent articles.  Today, I want to discuss why it’s not healthy to try to please everyone, and how to stop yourself from doing so.
Seeking approval from others is perfectly fine up until the point where you are compromising your health and happiness in the process.  It becomes a serious problem if you feel as though widespread positive approval from others is the very oxygen you need to breathe.  There was a time in my life when I felt exactly this way.
I literally felt like I was short of breath – almost as if I’d die if my peers didn’t approve of me.  This is a condition that developed in my mind when I was very young, after kids in grade school teased me for being a “nerd.”  I did everything I could to win their approval.  And although I grew out of my awkward stage pretty early in my teenage years, the damage was done – I was left feeling insecure.  I was conditioned to seek and beg for outside approval at all times.
The big problem was that, as a twenty-something college graduate entering the work force, I felt that anything I did or even thought only had validity if it was the “right thing” to say and think.  And by “right thing,” what I really mean is “what other people thought was right.”  I was terrified to step outside the box of acceptability – which was especially harmful to my creativity as I tried to nurture my passion for writing and blogging.
Once I realized what I was doing, I read several books, spoke with a coach, and focused diligently on healing this broken part of myself.
The bottom line is that constant approval-seeking forces you to miss out on the beauty of simply being yourself, with your own unique ideas and desires.  If you are led through life only doing and being what you’ve come to believe is expected of you, then, in a way, you cease to live.
So how can you stop fearing what everyone thinks of you?  Let’s take a look:

1.  Get comfortable with not knowing what other people think.

When I first started writing on this blog, I’d agonize over whether people would think what I was writing was good enough.  I desperately hoped they’d like it, and oftentimes I’d catch myself imagining they didn’t.  Then one day I realized how much energy I was wasting worrying about it.  So I’ve gradually learned to relax with simply not knowing.
Some problems in life, such as not knowing what others think of you, are not really meant to be resolved.  How people perceive you may have more to do with them than you anyway.  They may even like or dislike you simply because you’ve triggered an association in their minds by reminding them of someone they liked or disliked from their past, which has absolutely nothing to do with you.
So here’s a new mantra for you – say it, and then say it again: “This is my life, my choices, my mistakes and my lessons.  As long as I’m not hurting people, I need not worry what they think of me.”  (Angel and I discuss this in more detail in the “Self-Love” and “Relationships” chapters of “1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.”)

2.  Know that most people are NOT thinking about you anyway.

Ethel Barrett once said, “We would worry less about what others think of us if we realized how seldom they do.”  Nothing could be closer to the truth.
Forget what everyone else thinks of you; chances are, they aren’t thinking about you anyway.  If you feel like they always are, understand that this perception of them watching you and critiquing your every move is a complete figment of your imagination.  It’s your own inner fears and insecurities that are creating this illusion.  It’s you judging yourself that’s the problem.

3.  Accept that someone else’s opinion is NOT your problem.

How many times have you looked at a person and initially misjudged their brilliance?  Appearances are deceptive.  How you seem to someone and how you actually are rarely congruent.  Even if they get the basic gist of who you are, they’re still missing a big piece of the puzzle.  What someone thinks of you will rarely contain the whole truth, which is fine.
If someone forms an opinion of you based on superficialities, then it’s up to them, not you, to reform those opinions based on a more objective and rational viewpoint.  Leave it to them to worry about – that is, if they even have an opinion at all.
Bottom line:  The opinions other people have about you is their problem, not yours.  The less you worry about what they think of you, the less complicated your life becomes.  (Read The Four Agreements.)

4.  Ask yourself, “Does what they think even matter?”

People will think what they want to think.  No matter how carefully you choose your words and mannerisms, there’s always a good chance they’ll be misinterpreted and twisted upside down by someone.  Does this really matter in the grand scheme of things?  No, it doesn’t.
How others see you is not important.  How you see yourself means the world.  When you’re making big decisions, remember, what you think of yourself and your life is more important than what people think of you.  Stay true to YOU.  Never be ashamed of doing what feels right.  Decide what you think is right and stick to it.

5.  See the benefit in being unique.

If you’re thinking like everyone else, you aren’t thinking.  And if you aren’t thinking, you aren’t truly living.
It’s human nature to attempt to mimic other humans we look up to – perhaps a parental figure or a celebrity – especially when we are feeling insecure in our own skin.  But attempting to be someone else will always leave us feeling empty inside.  Why?  Because what we appreciate about the people we admire is their individuality – the qualities that make them unique.  To really copy them, we need to develop our own individuality, and in that way, we would actually be less like them and more like our true selves.
We all have quirks and unique perspectives.  The more relaxed you become with your own differences, the more comfortable you will start to feel just being YOU.  Celebrate being different, off the beaten path, a little on the weird side… your own special creation.  If you find yourself feeling like a fish out of water, by all means find a new river to swim in.  But DO NOT change who you are; BE who you are.  (Read The Road Less Traveled.)

6.  Be fully present and aware of how you DO want to feel.

It’s OK to know how you do not want to feel, but that’s not all you should be thinking about.  Imagine someone trying to learn to read by spending all their time focusing on how they do not want to not be able to read.  It doesn’t really make any sense, does it?
Enough is enough!  Forget what you do not want to feel for a moment.  Work out how you DO want to feel right now in the present moment.  Train yourself to live right here, right now without regretting how others once made you feel, or fearing the possibility of future judgment.
If you were delivering life-saving mouth-to-mouth resuscitation on your mom in public, you’d be 100% focused and present.  You wouldn’t be thinking about what bystanders thought of your hair, your body type, or the brand of jeans you were wearing.  All these inconsequential details would vanish from your consciousness.  The intensity of the situation would motivate you to choose not to care about what others might be thinking of you.  This proves, quite simply, that thinking about what others are thinking about you is YOUR CHOICE.

7.  Speak and live your truth.

Speak your truth even if your voice shakes.  Be cordial and reasonable, of course, but don’t tread carefully on every word you say.  Push your concerns of what others might think aside.  Let the consequences of doing so unravel naturally.  What you’ll find is that most of the time no one will be offended or irritated at all.  And if they do get upset, it’s likely only because you’ve started behaving in a way that makes them feel they have less power over you.
Think about it.  Why be fake?
In the end, the truth usually comes out one way or the other, and when that happens, you’re standing alone if you’ve been living a lie.  So live your whole truth starting now.  If someone gives you a hard time and says, “You’ve changed,” it’s not a bad thing.  It just means you stopped living your life their way.  Don’t apologize for it.  Instead, be open and sincere, explain how you feel, and keep doing what you know in your heart is right.

Afterthoughts

A life spent ceaselessly trying to please people who, perhaps, are incapable of ever being pleased, or trying too hard to always be seen as doing “the right thing,” is a sure road to a regretful existence.
Do more than just exist.  We all exist.  The question is:  Do you live?
I eventually realized existing without ever truly living was not what I wanted for myself.  So I made changes – I implemented all seven of the points discussed in this article and never looked back.  If you are in the same place I once was, seeking approval from everyone for every little thing you do, please take this post to heart and start making changes today.  Life is too short not to.

Your turn…

How has the fear of what other people think interfered with your life?  What has it stopped you from doing?  How have you coped?  Leave a comment below and share your insights with us.